THIS IS PROJECT 365.
I photograph life as it unfolds, and share too much with you, every day, for 365 days.
"Then we went to the inlet. And I caught my one year old playing with my phone by holding it under water. Needless to say my phone is no more. And - incidentally - all of my pictures are also no more."
"It's beach season - which to me is the most wonderful time of the year. I feel like as a Floridian I'm not really supposed to complain about the cold - but I'm glad to see the sunshine back in all its glory. I think it's finally safe to say that the cold fronts are behind us."
Day 163- 187
"I am beyond fortunate that there are people who see beauty in my work and are willing and able to pay for it, thus making me able to pay my portion of the bills with my art; but I did not choose this path for the money."
"I'm putting this in writing so that next time I get caught up in that which does not matter - I have something to bring me back down to earth.
I have gone against the grain at many phases of this journey - and it's been glorious. And I will continue to pursue what I believe is beautiful."
"Three tiny voices weren't constantly demanding three separate things from me. I played on my phone until I was bored and didn't have to feel bad about it. I showered when I wanted and by myself! I cleaned the house and it stayed that way. I didn't have to cook or stress over dishes for 5 people. I didn't have to feel guilty because the kids were asking 12304987 questions to someone else allowing me this break. I didn't have to share my food. I didn't have to break up sibling fights, or listen to them at all. I got to be lazy - good old fashioned sit on the couch and read a book all day long lazy. It was amazing."
"Right before we were leaving one of the men running the event went to speak and I was swept over with de-ja-vu. In case I haven't mentioned before - I hate de-ja-vu. But in this weird instance, while frightening, it felt OK. "
Days 96 - 106
"The reality is we are humans. And like it or not, we all have our flaws and they run deep. We can all be greedy. We can all be arrogant. We can all be bigots. We can all be entitled and selfish. We can all say stupid shit and be flat out wrong. But we can also be really great things- compassionate, forgiving, strong, resilient. It's easy for us as HUMANS to compartmentalize. But none of these characteristics are exclusive to any one person, let alone a political party."
"At the beginning of the year circumstances lined up insanely perfect for us to finally pull the trigger and move- so we did. We said goodbye to our 3 bedroom fenced backyard house and moved to a two bedroom apartment. When I tell people this they respond as if they feel bad for us - but seriously - don't! It has been the best choice we've made in a long time."
"Why can't we accept the simple reality that life is both horrific and glorious? That sure - we are the only one in charge of how we respond to situations - but we're also human which means sometimes, heaven forbid, we respond negatively. Sometimes, for whatever reason, we need to just release all the crud, and it often isn't pretty. Sometimes life isn't perfect - and neither is our response to imperfection."
Days 65 - 71
"For a multitude of reasons we are closing this chapter. And today, as we pack our boxes and prepare for our move, I just want to honor this space, this home, this season of life. As with all big changes it is impossibly bitter sweet. This home that has been so, so good to us. Provided shelter and a safe place to rest our heads, and equally important, our hearts these past years."
"All my life I've been waiting for
I've been praying for
For the people to say
That we don't wanna fight no more
There will be no more wars
And our children will play"
My 5 year old is arguing with me about cleaning up her art project mess. My 2.5 year old is throwing a tantrum in the hall and taking her pajamas off for the 2nd time tonight. My 7month old refuses to let me remove my breast from his mouth so I can fully attend to either of his sisters. The dogs are running around the house like maniacs and my husband is at work.
When we place our value in our wallets were setting ourselves up for failure no matter how fiscally successful we may be. When we think we need more - we need bigger - we need better, faster, easier EVERYTHING - were setting ourselves up for disappointment. What we actually NEED to get by and to LIVE is quite minimal.
"And as the dark clouds continue to pass I have finally had an opportunity to wipe my eyes and look at the world around me. It feels different. Very different. And I am humbled, once again, that no matter how impossible parts of this past year have seemed - we made it out alive - and we are so goddamn blessed."
Day 26 - 34
"Since I've been having panic attacks for years I didn't really think much of PPD until I was in it - I just ignorantly assumed it was one in the same with regular anxiety. Holy fuck was I wrong. For me the panic attacks postpartum were much deeper - darker - scarier. There were many days I didn't make it out of bed. Several times I made my husband miss work because I was so paralyzed by fear that I didn't trust myself to exist - let alone to parent."
"In reality my life is messy. It's mis-matched outfits, and often no outfits at all. It's peanut butter and jelly stained faces. It's tantrums. It's markers on the couch and crumbs in the outdated minivan. It's "I thought the shoes were already in the car", and now my kid is in public barefoot. It's going deaf from the dogs barking at the bird across the street. It's pure chaos."
"So - this year I'm making a point to do just that. To stop- even if only for the briefest moment - pull out my camera and document what inspires me. I don't really have any guidelines other than that."