This blog is a part of my project 365 series. Documenting life and sharing too much, every day, for 365 days. To see more CLICK HERE
I often hear people saying they are cutting negative people out of their lives, or that negative people are toxic. Similarly many people are frustrated because, especially on social media, people only put their best foot forward. You're just seeing the highlight reel - an edited life - not the full picture. I often wonder where the balance is between these two aspects. I usually just settle on the fact that people just love to have something to bitch about and try to not drive myself crazy - but some days I drive myself crazy anyway.
People claim they want more then fake surface crap, but greet them with true transparency, reality, pain, struggle, and people don't want anything to do with it. It's like you're allowed to be negative - so long as you're comical about it - or tie it with an inspirational message bow.
Last year when life was dragging us through the mud - I didn't hold back. I'm a vocal person and arguably shared too much about our personal life with people as I tend to do. I have a stupid amount of bad habits - thankfully "holding it all in" isn't typically one of them. In many aspects I am a hermit - but ironically I'm also a people person - I'm certainly a "she talks a lot" person.
My happy little circle of friends shriveled to nothing. People I once communicated with regularly, went months without as much as a text message - certainly no face to face interaction.
2015 was pretty horrific. I was negative. I was scared. I was in shock. I was bitter. I was toxic. I was all over the place. And consequently - I was avoided.
As I say often- life comes in waves - so thankfully the shit storm was temporary- and life is riding a pretty awesome wave at the moment.
Last year, although things were overall 'bad' - there were several awesome moments. Lots of silver linings. This year - life is looking really damn good. But there are still those days where I'm ripping my hair out and on edge.
I really resent the notion that life is so two dimensional - happy or sad. I resent the notion that we should only share the best less we be labeled as negative.
Why can't we accept the simple reality that life is both horrific and glorious? That sure - we are the only one in charge of how we respond to situations - but we're also human which means sometimes, heaven forbid, we respond negatively. Sometimes, for whatever reason, we need to just release all the crud, and it often isn't pretty. Sometimes life isn't perfect - and neither is our response to imperfection.
At the time the loss of community added to the heartache of a particularly hard year - but there were people who stuck around. Who listened to me cry. Who listened to me yell. Who allowed me to be bat shit crazy and loved me anyway. Who didn't shy away but embraced our family among its messiness. And that was one of the more shining of the silver linings - the amazing love and compassion we were given during such a dark time. It brings me to tears just thinking about how lucky we were to have such open people to help us make it through the storm. And now that we're back in a more cheerful chapter - I'm so happy to have those souls by my side to share in our joy.
Day 72 : January 25
Day 73 : January 26
Day 74 : January 27, 2016
Day 75 : January 28, 2016
Day 76 : January 29, 2016
Day 77 : January 30, 2016
Day 78 : January 31, 2016
Day 79 : February 01, 2016
February 02, 2016
Day 81 : February 03, 2016
Day 82 : February 04, 2016
Day 83: February 05, 2016
Day 84: February 06, 2016
Day 85 : February 07, 2016
Day 86 : February 08, 2016