Poor Choices

I think I'm the midst of a divorce it's pretty typical to make wild decisions as you try to find out who you are again. Some people buy motorcycles, and apparently other people enroll their home-schooled kid into public school.

I can list off standardized reasons why we enrolled her. . . I needed a break. I wasn't able to do it as a single mom. It would be better for her to get a break from all the 'stuff' going on at home. But I wasn't truly feeling any of them. Honestly I wasn't feeling much of anything, except perhaps pressure from friends and family. It was my lack of feeling that made the call. All I felt was numb and empty, andin my attempt to shake myself back into feeling I made a rash decision.

On a whim I came up with this idea to enroll her in school. She toured our local elementary and eagerly said she wanted to attend. And that was that. I felt largely lost within my head and heart - but figured it's kindergarten- how big of a deal can it be?

Two days in and I am feeling again. Feeling reminded of why we home-schooled in the first place. Feeling guilty for throwing my daughter in the middle of my mental breakdown. Feeling angry that her class missed recess and replaced it with silent reading because they were being too loud during class. Feeling sad that she's come home and told me how boring school is both days and asked to not go back. Feeling heartbroken as I saw her crying, with no adult or kid comforting her, in the parent pickup line. Feeling like I made a huge mistake. 

So while I can't come up with any good reasons we enrolled her in public school, I now remember the many reasons I home-schooled her.

Even though every fiber of my being is screaming to pull her out I have reluctantly agreed to let her do another week and talk to the teacher about my concerns. Apparently this transition is normal, though we had no such transition with VPK. She loved school and asked to go every day. Cried at the end of the year because she didn't want it to be over. Based on the nature of my concerns, I don't see them being silenced, but in the spirit of not jerking her around too much too fast (and in the spirit of guilt / outside pressure), it is where we are.

How did you / your child initially adjust to starting school? Why did you decide to go the route you did? Why doesn't anything ever come easy.

 Super excited for her first day- before her expectation bubble burst. 

Super excited for her first day- before her expectation bubble burst.