A Mothers Awareness {On Autsim}

By Guest Blogger: Tanya D.

Awareness. Inside Out.

We see it on your faces. In your eyes. In a flash. It’s an automatic response. Authentic at least.

Some of you try to hide it by looking away, but your clenched jaws and pinched mouths give you away. Others are too clueless to bother or perhaps want to be seen. Wide eyes, raised eyebrows. An expression of dramatic disbelief.

We see it more often now that he’s older. Bigger. Much of the cuteness has worn off by now. Puberty has arrived. Expectations are higher. Tolerance is lower. It is what it is.

You see, he has changed on the outside. Growing, as we knew he would, from a small child into a young man. And yet his maturity, his daily living skills, and his ability to regulate his emotions have not kept pace with his physical growth.

Unless you look closely, unless you invest the time to know him, you won’t notice how hard he tries. How much he wants to do better, to do right, to please you. To belong somewhere, to be loved and seen as good. How betrayed he feels by his own impulses that often turn others away. If he could get it right, he would. And sometimes he does. Other times he simply can’t.

Unless you know him, you might miss out on the brilliance that was sometimes easier to recognize in a smaller package. It’s still there. I see it. In fact, he probably needs me (and you) to see it now more than ever.

The next few years will bring more physical changes, more psychological and emotional hurdles to jump over and tunnels to get through. With or without your understanding and support, we will press onward. After all, what choice do we have?

And I also see you. You with the eyes that don’t look away. Those warm eyes of compassion and understanding that rise up to find my own. Genuine and judgment free. Yep, I see you too. You carry me, whether you know it or not. Thank you.